you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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