Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
