wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
