I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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