I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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