We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
