It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You work out of a Hotel?
this boner is exhausting
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's always time for handjobs
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
