addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
