Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
