I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
