My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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