worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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