@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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