I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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