My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
