I was born with a shot glass in my hand
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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