He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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