when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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