I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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