im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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