Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
