I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
