I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
