I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
