dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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