i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
