ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
