I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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