WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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