My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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