Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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