According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
