There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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