I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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