dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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