Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize