So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
