I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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