That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
