You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
