What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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