So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
