What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
