sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
