I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
