Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
