you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I love you.
Bad choice
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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