You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
