I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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