READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
