Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
