3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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