call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Damn victory sex feels great
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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