Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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