Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
