I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I could make wine with my vomit
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
