I will die if light touches me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
