i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize