Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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