My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
