So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
