Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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