i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
