he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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