You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
