I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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