grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i dont even know how to be here
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
