How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
