I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
