i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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