I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
