i permit you to call me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
