Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I stole a fireplace last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
