There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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