are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
