I just saw a hot homeless man
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
