what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
